Camouflage

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I wish I could camouflage my love for you. I wish I knew how to hide. I wish I were strong enough to deny these feelings, they’re taking over me.
Hit me like a storm, will you? Just like you’ve always done ever since I’ve set eyes on you. I’d never shy away, I’d never run away. I’d face your strong winds with my love for you, just like I’ve always done.
I can’t camouflage my love, not really. You still take my breath away with every move you make. Everyone notices the quiet stares and the fleeting glimpses. Yet here I am, pondering about you while you’re oblivious to everything.
I can’t camouflage my love, but you’re still blinded by hers, honey. That’s why I wish I were able of hiding away; I could’ve fooled myself with the illusion of hope, a hope for your love.

Innocence

I wish I could take your pain away, but I couldn’t even if i tried. I wish I could tell you how much that single tear of yours mean to me.

I wish you wouldn’t waste your tears, cause they’re still a piece of you.

I wish I could tell you how every piece of you reminds me of childhood innocence.

I wish I was the one who could ease it all or make it better with a few words.

I wish I could sweep away your tears.

Love, happiness, sadness, innocence and loyalty are you. You define them. 

So, don’t you dare shed a tear for anyone, no matter how much they mean to you and no matter how hard it is. 

Cause, honey, you’re loved by everyone you can’t see. You’re loved by me. 

Hazel Eyes.

Hazel eyes, don’t you realize how much I love you? You’re such a wonder to me; you bring me so much pain but I can’t stop loving you. I fear you have put me under your spell and I can’t break free. I don’t know why you captivated me so, but I do know that I couldn’t help but worship your breathtaking eyes.

I can never comprehend the hype over blue eyes, they’re so overrated. I guess people are a bit obsessed with the uncommon. Although if that’s true, then green eyes should be preserved if you ask me.

Anyways, I’ll start calling you hazel in my mind, and yes, they are that much a beautiful part of you.

ما تخلينا تافهين؟

يا جماعة ماتخلينا تافهين شوية، فيها ايه؟هتفرحوا والله بدل ما انتوا قاعدين علي فيسبوك بتتكلموا عن حجات انتوا أصلاً مش فاهمينها. روحوا اشتروا كتاب هاري بوتر الجديد و اتفجئوا بالplot twists (عشان هي كتيرة شويه)، ولا خوشوا Suicide Squad و ابدعوا في قد ايه الفيلم كان حلو او وحش، او ان Jared Leto كان جوكر حلو ولاHeath Ledger أو Jack Nicholson كانوا برقبته.اتفرجوا علي الاولمبيات حتي لو مفيش مصريين فيها، و لو في شجعوهم مش تققللوا منهم لو نتايجهم/لبسهم مش علي مزاجك. اتكلم علي أفلام marvel الي نازلة قريب أو عن أد ايه الفيلم دايماً مش مدي الكتاب او الكوميكس حقه. أو عن ان كل كام سنة يجيبوا ممثل جديد لspiderman الي هوا هيفضل بالنسبة ليكوا الأخ Tobey Maguire. او ان ليه DC ماجبتش Christopher Nolan عشان يعمل أفلام الDC extended universe؟

أو اتخانئوا علي انهي أفلام/الcomics بتاعته أحلي، marvel ولا DC؟ ( كلنا عارفين ان marvel افلامها أحلي فا مش لازم اوي 😌)

المهم، مش لازم تكون تافة بس ممكن متبقاش سلبي؟ عشان أنا عندي ١٥ سنة و مش عايزة أشوف سلبيتك. لاعلي الفيسبوك ولا في اي حتة الحقيقي. (معلش أصل أنا IG, راعوا ظروفنا النتيجة بعد يومين)

اه كنت هنسي، روحوا أسمعوا أغاني حلوة. دي مش عايزة تفاهه ولا سلبية صح؟ أسمعوا فيروز الصبح عشان تبقوا رايقين، او فريد الأطرش و أسمهان. او ارجعوا اسمعوا Frank Sinatra و billy holiday و Aretha Franklin، هتنبستوا اوي والله. اسمعوا أغاني حلوة مش معروفة و عرفوها لصحابكم. اسمعوا Pink Floyd عشان بتحبوا المزيكا مش عشان الظاهرة بتاعه “deep” الي الناس فهمتها غلط. اسمعوا AC/DC و Led Zeppelin و الBeatles و ال Rolling stonesوQueen وغيرهم عشان بتحبوهم مش اكتر. اسمعوا الي انتوا عايزينوا و اعملوا الي بتحبوه. ( وروحوا كلوا بلا دايت بلا قرف😪)

و أقرأوا البتحبوه برضه، مش لازم كتاب يعني، أقرأوا مجلات ولا blogs و لا اي حاجه بس حبوها! أقرأ لحد mainstream او حد مجهول بس حبوه. من الأخر حبوا أي حاجة حلوة حتي لو في نظر الناس تافهة، عشان هي بالنسباك عمرها ما كانت تافهة.

بعد كل ده احب أقول أنا مش عارفة ايه العك الي انا كاتباه ده، بس هو عجبني فقررت بكامل قواي العقلية اني انزله، لو قريت لغايت هنا فأحب أقولك انك لسه بتدور علي هدف للpost بس هو الحقيقة مفيش.

الكلام ده اي كلام فلو انت من الناس ال”deep” الي مذكورة فوق، انت مش مقصود شخصياً بس زي ما بيقولوا if the shoe fits وكده.

يالا كملوا سلبية، الكلام الفاضي بتاعي خلص.

 

Originally published 23/7/2016

Wednesday 

I missed you today. Well, I suppose I missed you more than usual. I don’t know why though, but you kept creeping into my mind all day long. It’s not like it’s my first time, but it still hurt like hell. Whenever it feels like I’ve finally gone past it, I realize how much deeper I’ve dived into it, missing you I mean. Remember that last night? I do. I was up watching a play on YouTube, anticipating the appearance of the golden sun so we could head off on our road trip. You had gone out for a couple of hours that night, I didn’t know why, and I probably didn’t bother knowing but when you knocked on my door at almost midnight and handed me what I asked of you a couple of days earlier, I was convinced things are finally settling between us. I really was.

Sonder. 

Imagine walking down an alley near your old hometown, where everything used to be much simpler than it is today. Imagine walking, listening and observing your surroundings, and realizing that all the things you once believed unchangeable has changed without you. 

Imagine strolling down the aisle of a supermarket, far away from your appartement ’cause your usual one is currently closed for the day. Imagine all the the unrecognizable faces you’ll encounter, you don’t know these people. Perhaps you never will know anything about them except (their faces and) what kind of toothpaste they prefer or what type of chocolate they like. 

Imagine running down to catch the bus to college ’cause your car brokedown and you can’t afford a taxi cab. Imagine all the people on that bus; mums taking their kids to school, a wornout wannabe rockstar in his mid-twenties with his long hair draped just below his shoulders, a freshly graduated journalist fretting over her interview, which she’s convinced will mess up as the anxieties wash over her all ride long. Don’t forget the driver though, who’s  always forgotten in the haze of everything else going around. All he wants is to make end meet though, so he could support his daughters, one is that freshman who sits at the front of your college’s English Literature class, and the other’s a high-school junior with high hopes of following her elder sister but into med. school.  

Then imagine yourself as you are now; On your bed watching the world behind a screen or at the back of class pretending to care about whatever your teacher’s saying or maybe on that same damn bus. 

It’s weird isn’t it? Realizing that the world doesn’t stop at your feet nor at others’, realizing how insignificant you are to the lives of other people just as much as they are insignificant to you? 

I have a tendency for creating a life other than my own, that made easier by the fact that I can just think about what others may be passing through instead of making new ones on my own. However the complexity of an imagined life, only makes you wonder more about the complexity of reality. 

 

Sonder n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

What’s past is prologue

What’s past is prologue. -William Shakespeare, The Tempest. 

I happened to be scrolling down my Twitter feed when I came across a rather eye-catchy article by Buzzfeed books, I cannot recall the actual title of the article, however, I’ll be digging through some of my retweets later so you could have access to it.
Basically the article was about tattoos inspired by books, so I thought what could be the harm in checking it out. Not really expecting much from it, I still opened the link, which revealed plenty Harry Potter inspired tattoo and a couple of interesting ones. Even though I was about to close the tab after getting bored as hell, I couldn’t as soon as I caught a simple -one liner- tattoo that said: “What’s past is prologue.” 

Perhaps I was amazed by how a 5 word sentence could inspire you, or the fact that someone had Shakespeare tattooed on their forearm, but either ways, I was struck by a load of what we call today “Deep thinking”. 

I mean when I first came across this sentence a year or so ago, I didn’t even spare it a second glance. Therefore I asked myself, What could’ve possibly changed to make me feel as though I’ve come across some holy script?

Although talking about exactly what has changed might offer me some solace, I’ve decided that perhaps I should share the conclusions I’ve manged to make throughout my analysis of this simple yet meaningfull quote.  

Our future is merely a consequence of our past, which means that whatever I do in this exact hour will ,in some way or another, affect me tomorrow. The ending of today is the start of tomorrow, literally. 

A prologue by definition is a separate introductory section of a literary, dramatic, or musical work. Simply, a prologue is that introduction in every book, which is very often skipped in one’s hurry to hand in a delayed assignment or just didn’t bother to allow it its worth. Prologues, although never given the time of the day, are vital to storylines everywhere. The prologue is the Novel’s past; therefore how could one understand the present when they’re ignorant of the past? 

Our past is our prologue, our introduction to the present and, in time, the future. 

I have read The Tempest, however, my words are not relevant or significant in any way to Shakespeare’s literal use of the line in the play.