Blue, White and Purple.

Blue. White. Purple.
Blue. White. Purple.                       Blue. White. Purple.

I repeat the pattern until my fingers ache, until I almost no longer remember it. It’s the only thing keeping me sane. 

Stop‘, they say, ‘Stop or you’ll weary your brain’. 

But,

“I have to carry on or else I’ll go insane”.

I repeat the pattern. 

Blue. White. Purple. 

Blue. White. Purple. 

Blue. White. Purple.

I repeat until it means nothing no more, till I wish I remembered why I was so unsure. My hands shake so bad I have to pause for just a minute and it all floods back as though it never left. I stare at my hands, willing them to stop but they don’t, they never do.

Blue. White. Purple.

Blue. White. Purple.

Blue. White. Purple.

I don’t care about my hands anymore. I have to get on with this, I gotta finish this, I must prove them wrong and I should be strong. I clutch the colors harder, I can’t let them slip away further. Not like everyone else.

Blue. White. Purple.

Blue. White. Purple. 

Blue. White. Purple.

I’m tired, so tired. I don’t wanna try anymore. I don’t care, I don’t care if I go insane tonight. I think I’ll just huddle by moonlight. 

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